From the new book Lighting Your Way, With Love
Imagine you are all alone. There is no one around to help; no one in whom to confide, no one with whom to share the moment. Be it a storm, a medical emergency, or a plumbing crisis, the specific situation is subordinate to the fact that you are in trouble, scared, and by yourself. Adversity confronts you, and you must rise solo to face the challenge.
Though we have all been there a time or two, it is not a comfortable scenario. I'm not talking about the peace that solitude can bring for the introverted processors out there (I share your experience). There is nothing generative about being in a pinch and feeling like you are the only person in the world "to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune" and "take arms against a sea of troubles” (thanks, William!). Such an experience can give rise to utter despair.
It is also unnatural. In Genesis 2:18, we read, "Then the Lord GOD said, ‘It is not good that the [human creature] should be alone; I will make him a helper as his partner.’" God created partnerships, family, and community so that we would never need to go it alone. God connects “me” to “we” for our mutual support and benefit.
Even though it runs counter to our dysfunctional national narrative of rugged individualism, God does not intend for us to fend for ourselves alone. Jesus chose twelve disciples—not one. None of them had bootstraps, either!
During life's significant changes and transitions, being alone is particularly hard. You wave to your family as they drive away after having moved your stuff into the dormitory. You close the front door of your home after having said goodbye to the last guest at the funeral. What do you do now? Quickly this question moves beyond the practical to the existential. What do you—all by yourself—do now? As it bounces within, a dreadful followup query accompanies that question: How am I going to make it alone?
It is here that sacred memory is of great support. We are not alone! God remains near. From the loneliness of exile, Isaiah's imagination reaches our spirit: “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you (Isaiah 43:2).” Even though Isaiah first spoke these words to an exiled nation during a time of unparalleled crisis, they ring true to individual hearts centuries later during a variety of personal calamities and challenges.
The waters of our baptism rise to fill our emptiness. No matter how trying the circumstances, God promises to always be with us. Even as you head back to your new dorm room or close that door on a house now missing a loved one, God remains. We belong to a loving God who will not let go.
Imagine that God is present, right beside you. In every moment, whether you sit in a crowd of friends and family or by yourself. In every place, whether you are in the familiar surroundings of your home or an unknown space. You are never truly alone.
Breathe and lean into God's presence. Find peace where words lose all their power to describe and control. Be. Feel the assurance of love that passes all understanding. Enter the space that the saints of old occupied in their struggles and tribulations. Rest in faith and discover respite for your weary body. Close your eyes, put up your feet, and allow a fresh breath of air to fill your innermost parts. Stay as long as it takes to experience the truth that your faith believes with every fiber of your being: you are not alone; God is near.
From that connected place, find your way to communion with others. What new friendships await your discovery? Where will you experience God's presence in the face and kindness of those in your life? How will those who are both familiar and unknown present the face of Christ to you? How might you shine Christ’s love to them?
Imagine that it is time to leave the dark solitude of your tomb and live in the daylight of resurrected community.
A Note to My Son:
Dear Noah,
It must have been hard for you on moving day when we drove away. It was the strangest feeling for me. I know that we couldn't stay for as long as I wanted to—heck, if that were the case, I'd still be there!
I remember the first time I was dropped off by my parents at seminary. I watched their SUV (they had one way before it was a popular vehicle) drive over the hill and felt like I was all alone. And I was. I didn't know anybody there. The familiar faces of those who loved me were driving away. I was by myself and needed to blaze a new trail into uncharted territory.
You might still be blazing your trail, trying to find your way through unknown crowds of people. Give it time. Breathe. Remember, connections don't happen overnight. Put yourself in places where you have a chance of making friendships.
And remember: you are never alone. Not only do you have your family's love with you, but you also have God's. This is the same God, who through the waters of your baptism, claimed your life and declared it to be beloved. God is with you and goes with you into your future. Lean into this truth, and may you find in it rest for your weary soul and companionship for your journey
Love you, always,
Dad.
Permission granted to share today's content with family and friends. Copyrighted 2018. Walt Lichtenberger
See below for details on how to purchase Lighting Your Way, With Love
When teenagers leave home, it is a time of adjustment for the whole family. Lighting Your Way, With Love helps young and old find the wisdom, courage, and faith to face what lies ahead. Walt writes from the dual-perspective of a father whose son is going off to university and a seasoned pastor who has walked with others during times of transition.
paperback: 243 pages
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