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“...Then the father said to him, ‘Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. But we had to celebrate and rejoice, because this brother of yours was dead and has come to life; he was lost and has been found.”
From the new book Lighting Your Way, With Love
Jesus told a group of his critics, who were having a hard time with his “open table” policy, a story about a family squabble that continues to be all too relatable.
Two very different brothers were vying for their father’s love. The irresponsible one leaves home to squander a fortune. He pays no respect to his father and asks for his inheritance ahead of time. It is as though his father has become dead to him. The dependable son remains faithful, stays home, and shows the proper honor to his father.
All heck breaks loose: the wayward son returns home; the father welcomes him without restraint; the responsible son refuses to acknowledge his brother's existence. There is trouble in the family as feelings are hurt, verdicts levied, and hearts break.
It is a timeless tale that has a wide audience. Even non-Christians might be familiar with this Jesus story, which is traditionally labeled "the prodigal son." We might even hear someone refer to another, or themselves, as being the prodigal one in the family.
Often lost in the retelling of the story is the original audience and context. Jesus told this tale to those who were apt to judge. The Pharisees opposed Jesus's ministry, which reached out to the margins and shared God's hospitality with the outcast. According to the Pharisees, these people didn’t deserve God’s favor. Yet Jesus ate and shared table fellowship with those whom the Pharisees marked as “unclean” and not worthy of God's attention. Like the older brother in the story, both their lack of compassion and grace consumed them.
This remains a tale that contains a pointed message, which speaks to the inner Pharisee within each of us. Somewhere in our spirit, there exists a cauldron where legalism and judgment combine to form a toxic poison that bubbles over. Whether we are prone to direct that venom on others or ourselves, it is invariably harmful and destructive. Relationships suffer from the strain of internal and external condemnation. Self-esteem withers under self-judgment.
The final episode of Jesus's story speaks directly to this detrimental phenomenon. In seething anger, the older brother refuses to enter the joy of his father. The forgiving father seeks him out and begs him to come to the feast, to be a part of the celebration. Forgiveness and reconciliation are the music that plays at the party to which the father has invited both his sons. Jesus leaves the story open-ended for us to complete.
How much authority and power will we give to our inner Pharisee? Will we allow this damaging influence to dominate our relationships with others? Will we let this voice shout within and make us feel unworthy to the core? Will we exclude ourselves from the party?
Or will we find the courage and wisdom to lean into God's grace? Forgiveness and reconciliation come to us as generous gifts from a God who refuses to let us go. It is a crazy idea—God loves us so much that no judgment in heaven, earth, or within can have the last word. God desires a life-giving connection with you and with me. Further, God wants us to extend that connection to others: family, friends, and strangers alike.
Through God's outpouring of love in Jesus, we find an invitation to join our voices in a jubilant song. Rejoice! Shout for joy! We have to sing, dance, and make merry.
Found are all the lost. Reunited are all the estranged. Included are all the discarded. Mercy has spoken louder than judgment. Love has silenced the Pharisee’s objection as he or she enters the party.
A Note to My Son:
Dear Noah,
You know that "judgment" is a bad word at our house. You also know that we have all called each other on “judging.” When we judge others with disapproving words, glances, or tones, we do damage. It is also true when we judge ourselves unworthy.
I'm not saying that we should abandon all critique. Seeking to better ourselves by measuring progress, effectiveness, and skill is not a bad thing. Improving ourselves and our work should be a lifelong aspiration.
That said, there is a difference between striving for excellence and beating up on ourselves or others for not being good enough. True worth comes not from what we do or produce or attain. Instead, it comes from being the person God made us be. Our value in life comes as a gift from God, and we express it best through loving and non-judging relationships with others.
Love you, always,
Dad.
Permission granted to share today's content with family and friends. Copyrighted 2018. Walt Lichtenberger
See below for details on how to purchase Lighting Your Way, With Love
When teenagers leave home, it is a time of adjustment for the whole family. Lighting Your Way, With Love helps young and old find the wisdom, courage, and faith to face what lies ahead. Walt writes from the dual-perspective of a father whose son is going off to university and a seasoned pastor who has walked with others during times of transition.
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